Archive for category Purchases

Wooties: It’s a Trap

Don’t Worry, Linda, They Also Dubbed Over David Prowse

Woot Shirt, Its a Trap

Woot Shirt, Its a Trap

We’re so sorry
Uncle Ackbert
We’re so sorry if your flippers are restrained
We’re so sorry
Uncle Ackbert
But we’re going up against the Empire
And the fleet’s not gone away

We’re so sorry but intelligence was wrong, today
We’re so sorry
Uncle Ackbert
But at least you’ve got that hot ship
Just fly in closer and engage

drrtdrtt drrtdrtt drrtdrtt drrtdrtt drrtdrtt
drrtdrtt drrtdrtt drrtdrtt drrtdrtt drrtdrtt

We’re so sorry
Uncle Ackbert
But the Emperor’s already on his way
We’re so sorry
Uncle Ackbert
But the Empire’s fully armored
And the shield won’t go away

Nieeeeen numb
Ooo ooo oo oo oo oo ooo
Nieeeeen numb
Oooo ooo ooo oo oo oo oo
Oooo oo oo ooo ooo ooo ooooooo

Whoooooo’s inside the bunker?
Bunker
Whoooooo’s broken inside?

Whoooooo’s inside the bunker?
Bunker
Whoooooo’s broken inside?

Admiral Ackbert notified me
We’d all just been trapped by Imperial fleets
Our only hope was to just take down the shield
And then we could fly

Rebels, looks alive!
Everyone form on me, and into this shaft we’ll dive

Whoooooo’s inside the bunker?
Bunker
Whoooooo’s broken inside?

Whoooooo’s inside the bunker?
Bunker
Whoooooo’s broken inside?

Hey there, mister, you’ve a sister, she’s been found
she’s been found
Guess we don’t need you around
With my saber I will pound

No, you heavy breather, I will take her all around
All around
I have earned my knightly crown
Now I’ll knock you to the ground

Parrrrrrty near the bunker
Bunker
Little fuuuurry things are inside

Hey reeeeeeeeeebels, light a pyre
Pyre
Fiiiiireworks in the skyyyyyy

ooo oo ooo oooo ooo ooo oooo ooo
ooo oo ooo oooo ooo ooo oooo ooo
ooo oo oooooooo ooo ooo oooo ooo
ooo oo oooooooo ooo ooo oooo ooo

Wear this shirt: when you’re returning!

Don’t wear this shirt: if you want revenge.

This shirt tells the world: “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

We call this color: Bladmiral Blackbar

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Wooties: I’m a Lumberjack

Lumberjacks Anonymous

Woot Shirt, I'm a Lumberjack

Woot Shirt, I’m a Lumberjack

Hello, my name is Sven, and I … I’m a lumberjack.

HI SVEN

It started simply enough. In high school everyone was starting to cut down trees, and I was too. But I always cut down a few more than everybody else, and started earlier in the day. By college I couldn’t get through a day without felling something.

You know the old saying, “One tree is just right. Two is too many. Three is never enough.” Heh. That was me all right. I kept thinking that I could keep my behavior under control, but as soon as I felt the buzz of that chainsaw it was all over and I’d wake up the next morning covered in sawdust.

I had lost my friends, my family, and the shade in my backyard when I finally decided to seek help. That’s when I first came to these meetings and told everyone “I’m a lumberjack, and I’m not OK.”

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Wooties: Exclamation Print

Please Please Exclamation Point

Woot Shirt, Exclamation Print

Woot Shirt, Exclamation Print

Dear Woot: how dare you ask me to turn my body into an advertisement for your crappy company – and pay for the privilege?

You think I’m such a sucker that I’m going to hand you my hard-earned cash for the right to plug your stupid web sites? Oh, wow, I get my choice of five ink colors printed on the same high-quality shirts Shirt.Woot uses – that’s like giving slaves the right to choose the color of the whip.

So what if your name is not actually on the t-shirt anywhere? So what if the only people who will even know that it’s a Woot shirt will be people who are already Woot fans? So what if it might as well be “advertising” the exclamation point itself? It’s still, uh, like, commercialism and, uh, stuff, and…wait, let me start this over:

Dear Exclamation Point: how dare you ask me to turn my body into an advertisement for your crappy punctuation mark – and pay for the privilege?

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Wooties: Infinity Plus One

Saga Genesis

Woot Shirt, Infinity Plus One

Woot Shirt, Infinity Plus One

1st Place in Derby #303: Nightlife, with 255 votes!

1: In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
2: And the earth was without form, and void; and God realized he had taken on a much bigger project than he had anticipated.
3: And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. And God saw exactly how much of a mess he was dealing with, and decided to set aside a week to work on it.
4: And God picked up some gum wrappers and folded some laundry that he had done the week before, but it didn’t seem to impact the clutter very much.
5: And God called his mom, because hey, that was something he needed to do this week anyway, and he could pick up while he talked to her.
6: And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and his mom said she didn’t think that was a very good idea. And God got frustrated with his mom, and changed the subject.
7: And God knocked over a glass and broke it and told his mom he had to go. And he could tell his mom was upset, but what can you do?
8: And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day. And God started putting together a playlist to listen to while he cleaned up, but ended up spending the entire third day putting together the perfect mix.
9: And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so. And that really took it out of God, and he figured he had worked hard enough to take a break.
10: And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good. But not, you know, great. But good enough for now. He’d get back to it next week.

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Wooties: Mid Act-Three Conflict

Singing In The Dead Of Night

Woot Shirt, Mid-Act Three Conflict

Woot Shirt, Mid-Act Three Conflict

Quoth the raven, “Not so fast, Senator Valducci.”

You? You dare? You dare come here? You dare come here and confront me? You dare come here and confront me in this place? You dare come here and confront me in this place in front of my family? I thought we’d finished you.

But no matter. You’re just one bird. You can’t stop me. You can’t stop what I have planned. Which, incidentally, is a far reaching plan to take over this entire planet by using the recording industry to sue their customers so that the underground will embrace the various high-quality downloadable files I’ve made of my birdsong and play them constantly in bars, record stores and coffee shops, giving me a legal basis to claim everything as my territory under avian law. Here are some documents, in fact, proving everything I just said. I’m not scared of you seeing them because, as I said, you’re just one bird and you can’t stop me.

Okay, boys. I’m gonna get in this helicopter and go to my meeting with the recording industry. You go ahead and mow him down with your powerful machine guns which he couldn’t possibly dodge by going left, right or up. I’m sure he can’t escape, no matter how many times he’s done it before. Oh, and attach this extra long easy-to-grab cable to the bottom of my helicopter, too. No reason, I just think it looks cool.

Wear this shirt: with other people wearing this shirt. Then call the police and report a murder. Then tell them, technically, more than one crow is called a murder and grin smugly. The bruises will probably heal and a good lawyer should be able to get you some money!

Don’t wear this shirt: and think it will give you mystical Ghost Dance powers or something. It’s just a freakin’ shirt.

This shirt tells the world: “You broke the cardinal rule.”

We call this color: E-Lemon-ate Him… For Good.

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Wooties: No Face

Hack The Mainframe

Woot Shirt, NO!Face

Woot Shirt, NO!Face

It’s just like the movie “Hackers” but with hairballs

They said “How can a cat join an international hacking syndicate?” They thought that just because I lacked fingers (for typing), an advanced cognitive apparatus, and any formal software training that I couldn’t make it as an “Anonymous” hacker, but…

HACK HACK HACK … excuse me, I … HACK HACK. I seem to have something caught in my throa–HACKHACKHACKHACKGULPHACKHACKHACK.

What’s that? You want me to move off your rug? Don’t worry about it, I think I’m fine I just need to HACKHACKHACK ugh HACK.

What was I saying? Oh yeah! Nobody believed I could make it as a hacker…

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Wooties: Soft Kitty

Meow

Woot Shirt, Soft Kitty

Woot Shirt, Soft Kitty

It’s from that thing!

Close cat-tioning for this episode of the Big Bang Theory is provided by the Society for Feline Literacy.

SHELDON: Meow, meow meow?

LEONARD: Meow.

SHELDON: Meow meow meow meow meow meow.

LEONARD: Meow! Meow meow meow meow meow meow!

SHELDON: Meow?

[Laughter]

PENNY: Meow, meow.

[Laughter]

SHELDON: Meow meow meow, meow?

LEONARD: Meow meow meow.

[Laughter]

PENNY: Meow meow? Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow! MEOW! MEOW!

LEONARD: Meow.

[Laughter]

PENNY: Meow meow meow meow?

SHELDON: Meow meow.

PENNY: MEOW?!?!!

SHELDON: Meowza.

[Laughter and Applause]

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Wooties: Noooodles

Eating Habits

Woot Shirt, Nooodles

Woot Shirt, Nooodles

Noodle on this for a moment!

When broke college kids are hungry, they eat ramen noodles. But what do broke ramen noodles in college eat? Banana peels. Broke banana peels in college, meanwhile, eat dust mites. Broke dust mites eat ideas. That’s why it’s harder to think in dusty rooms.

Broke ideas in college eat paper. Broke pieces of paper in college eat rocks. Broke rocks in college eat scissors. Broke scissors in college eat paper. If you’re keeping score, that means broke pieces of paper in college have two predators. What we’re getting at it sucks to be broke and made of paper in college.

That was our whole point here. That it sucks to be paper. That was clear from the get-go, right?

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Wooties: Geek Food

Kiddie Kibble

Woot Shirt. Geek Food

Woot Shirt. Geek Food

“Hello Mrs. Adams, how are you today?”

I’m fine, I’m fine, but I’m worried about my little creature.

“Let’s see … ‘Sam’ is this little guy’s name? That’s cute. What seems to be the problem with Sam?”

He hasn’t been eating his food, and it’s been several days now.

“Have you recently switched his diet? Sometimes they can be particular about those things.”

Well, yes, I did start feeding him wet food.

“That’s probably it. You need to introduce the new diet slowly, so his digestion can adapt to it.”

Oh thank goodness. I was worried he might have diabetes or something. I know so many indoor ones do.

“Well, from the look of him maybe it would be worth running some tests…”

UGH. STOP TALKING ABOUT ME IN THE THIRD PERSON, MOM. I’M RIGHT HERE.

Sorry, honey. I’m just trying to look out for you.

“Would you mind holding him down so he doesn’t scratch me, Mrs. Adams?”

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Wooties: Online Debate Team

Spoilers!

Woot Shirt, Online Debate Team

Woot Shirt, Online Debate Team

It’s not what it looks like!

M. Night Shyamalan on today’s shirt:

So it looks like a normal athletic shirt, right? Typical font and layout. Just another Athletic Department shirt. Nothing special, right?

But wait! There’s a TWIST! It’s not a shirt for a SPORTS TEAM! It’s a shirt for a debate team!

That’s it, huh? Just a shirt that appears to be athletic, but is, in fact, for a debate team. Certainly, there are no additional layers here, correct?

INCORRECT! It is not a normal debate team shirt! It’s a shirt for an internet debate team!

But another twist: IT WAS A GHOST ALL ALONG!

Wear this shirt: into the internet!

Don’t wear this shirt: into the real world!

This shirt tells the world: “I have so many opinions, and I will fighter them… ineloquently.”

We call this color: KELLY GREEN IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN LEBRON! JUST LOOK AT THEIR STATS!

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