It Happened Again

So, I wrote about this about a year ago, and a similar thing happened again to me.

I guess this is related to the new method of “breaking up” with someone by just stopping responding to their texts, or calls, or emails. I find this to be possibly the most frustrating and annoying practices in the universe.

There are two reasons why I find it frustrating and annoying, and one reason why I can partially understand it.

1- Annoying because you have no idea what happened, and you can actually start to worry about that person because something terrible may have happened to them. Were they in an accident? Did they lose their phone and all contacts and get a new number? Kidnapped? In Jail? The list could go on and on, especially if it’s a person you don’t have contact with outside of that or the dating app or website you met on. Thank goodness some sites show a “last logged on” so you can at least know they are alive, even if just ignoring you.

2- Annoying because I like closure, and to sort out what went wrong. Was it me? Was it them? Was it neither and there was just someone else they liked better? I am totally ok with anything, as long as I know what it was. Did they google you and something show up that has your name but isn’t you? Or is about you but a total and complete lie or fabrication? or it’s a massive misunderstanding?

3- Understandable because some guys can really be complete and utter assholes when rejected. While I see it as an opportunity for learning, personal growth and understanding yourself and situations, many guys seem to think there are no consequences and lash out at a woman when rejected because they are safely behind a phone or keyboard, and if a woman doesn’t want to deal with what that type of guy has to say back, who could blame them? I would personally never do that, and I would hope that my personality and learning about me in the dating process would lend someone to see that I am not that type of person, but I suppose sometimes it can be the person you least suspect. Although, even if someone does say nasty things, I feel like you can brush it off and ignore them, but also give yourself some credit and take solace in the fact that you chose not to date someone who is so nasty and can be such an asshole, you got out without needing to deal with it.

Fortunately, I can say I have actually only experienced it three times now(that I can think of) but one of them was actually at least partially resolved because the person is actually a decent human being in my eyes and was willing to tell me what the deal was or what happened.

So the one that got partially resolved, well, that one was easy. When we met and were talking, she was also dealing with a very sick father at the time. So we talked a lot but actually only went on a single date. Then shortly after, her father died which really threw things into chaos in her life. While I have never had to deal with it personally, people I have been close to have dealt with it and there’s a lot to do when dealing with a death of a parent or other loved one that you are close with and are responsible for dealing with all the aspects post death.  So I gave some space, we talked less frequently because she was busy and dealing with grief, and well, you gotta give people some space or things just don’t go well.

So because she said she was busy and stressed and didn’t have time to really date seriously, I gave her space and didn’t push. Then things really spaced out and we ended up not talking for about 5 weeks. At that point we did get back into touch where I then found out that she was dating someone, and then 2 months later we spoke again and she was engaged to be married with the wedding in 3 weeks. Needless to say, we only went on one date, there was no emotional investment and she was clearly dating other people at the same time(I would expect nothing less to be honest), and she met someone else who she felt was a better fit for her. While I think that the timeline of their relationship is a tad quick and not the best idea given the recent highly emotional period while losing her dad, it is what it is and I really hope that she has a long happy marriage and life. That totally works in closing the book on a dating interaction, that is a mostly, completely normal progression happen, at least the deciding to date someone else part, the quick marriage part maybe not quite so normal unless there is a shotgun involved.

Then there are the other two instances. One of which I wrote about last year, you can find that here. The other was sort of a mixture between these other two.

We met on an app, we chatted a bit and then met at a local restaurant for drinks, we talked about a lot of different things, and we discovered we went to the same college and ended up knowing a good number of the same people. We ended the evening and went out separate ways with a loose plan to get together again the following week. We chit chatted via texts, and then tried to make plans but we kept having some conflicting schedules for things. Then we made plans, and at the last minute I got a text saying that she had to cancel that night because something came up with work. Totally understandable.

Except that was the last text I ever got.

No response to a simple “Hey, how are you?” or “Hey, what’s up?” text to try to generate some dialogue because, you know, I am interested in her.

No response to a “Hey, haven’t heard back from you, are you and everything ok?” text because I’m worried something happened to her due to no response.

No response to a “Hey, I guess we aren’t getting together again. I would be curious to know why though, I wish luck in your search” text because I got the hint, but I want to know what happened.

It’s the not knowing the answer to the question, or the solution to the riddle. Fortunately, it tends to not last too long and I get caught up in or distracted by something else and it goes away completely instead of fading in and out of my brain.

but then… 18 months later, you happen to match again, on different app, but I didn’t realize it at first, since this one doesn’t share a ton of information(like name) prior to matching. So we matched, she liked my photos, what I had to say in my profile, but then… not a single message of any kind after we matched.

The silence was deafening.

Since this app uses Facebook, it told me we had a friend in common, so I went and did the normal scoping out of the profile and realized who it was after seeing some of he information. I sent no message on facebook and only looked at the profile one time. Then the limited time period on the app ended, and we never spoke on it. I then went to look at her profile again because I wanted to double check something I thought I saw but wasn’t sure about, and couldn’t find her, now that is weird.

Oh, that’s why, she blocked me.

So now I am left with that weird, confused look on my face yet again. More not knowing, although I have eliminated one possibility, she clearly isn’t responding because she is dating someone else, or else she wouldn’t be on a dating app… well, at least I assume so anyway…

So strange… I sometimes wish people could be more of an adult, especially when asked a direct question, just plain rude in my opinion.

So yeah, it stirs up the same questions in my head, yet again, and I sit here wondering, yet again.

The eternal question that we all seek the answer to…



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