Posts Tagged Humor

Strangest Spam Idea

I have seen the traditional scams before, where you win the lottery or have someone who died and someone wants to have you take the money and then share some back with them.

I even have experience with the ones where they are a doctor or someone overseas who wants to rent you their house really cheap and they don’t even have access to the house, they just picked it off an MLS listing somewhere.

This is a new one though… as some of you know, I run an ad on Craigslist where I offer to help people move stuff or do whatever with my truck, earns me some spending money and helps me pay for anything with the truck so I can keep it and it’s not a cost to me, if I break even I am good.

So I answered an ad someone had posted looking for someone to haul away some garbage to the dump… seems simple enough, and I got this back as a response…

Hello Applicant,
Thank you for your interest in this job position posted on Craigslist. How are you doing, hope you are fine with your family, Thanks for your quick responds. We are in need of a cleaner for our newly rented apartment 3 days per week, 3-4 hours per day ($400 per week) and we will provide all of the cleaning supplies and equipment.
Here are all the job details;
I believe and understand you are an intelligent person and can do with cleaning job? So the Bedrooms Size is as follows: One of the bedrooms is approximately 11′ X 11’and the other one is 12’x12′, but not a perfect square, so probably closer to 100 square feet; it comfortably fits a full size bed, desk, Armour and chest of drawers…. The apartment is large (approximately 1,300+sf) and features the following: —Full kitchen with dishwasher, oven, microwave, etc..—Washer/Dryer —1 full bath / 1 half bath —central air and heat. The apartment occupies the entire floor of the building with direct access via the elevator. Also I would like you to know that all Tools and materials needed for the job to make it perfectly ok will be provided, So you don’t have to bother. I’m willing to pay the sum of $400 for this, I think this is a reasonable price since it’s just a 2 bed room apartment and you are only to clean the 2 bed room and the living room, it shouldn’t take more than a day or two for you to have the Apartment cleaned, You will be provided with the date and time by my new Landlady as soon as I’m done making payments to you for the cleaning. Pertaining to your transportation, My Landlady will be taking you to the Apartment in person immediately I contact her that I have finally paid for the cleaning service. I want the cleaning to be done before I get back to the States because I’m presently in PARIS, FRANCE for a Conference and I’ve already made arrangements for the payment and also the keys to the apartment, My Landlady will be showing you the Apartment so the location shouldn’t be a problem, she will be there to help you in and all you need. If you are interested in the job, I will instruct my financier to issue cashier check and mail it out to you via UPS or FedEx courier right away.
Once again, I believe that is a reasonable amount for cleaning of the apartment, and I want things to go smoothly and fast so that the painter and the shipper that will be packing in my furniture can do their own job before my return. If you think you can handle this clean up perfectly and all the details as explained, kindly get back to me with the following information …
Your Full Name:
City, State, Zip code:
Cell Phone #:
Home Phone #:
Hope to hear from you sooner and kindly let me know if you have accepted my offer. Thanks so much for your sincerity, till then have a nice day.
I mean, seriously? I can’t even imagine how anyone could fall for such a thing, only thing that would make this worse is if they actually threw in a request for the SSN so they can pay you “legally”.

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Oooo… Exciting…

So, I decided to jump on the new TLD domain name craze that’s happening right now and buy a new domain for my blog here… I have put in the order and I am in the process of setting up the new domain now, it is fun and I think it is very “me” in a way, but I am not going to share it quite yet… I want to spend some time setting it up and getting it running just right before I share the new URL…

but the question remains, should I move all my posts from here to there and then set this up as a redirect? or should I just start out fresh and new over there and keep this one sitting here? I will keep owning this domain name regardless since I use a few of the emails for things but these are some tough choices to make as things move forward… what to do… what to do…

Any suggestions?!?

Although, as a side bonus, the site name is short enough that I will be installing my own URL shortner, cuz yeah, I am gonna be all kinds of cool like that!

oh, wait, what’s that?!? Look up in your URL bar… you should see the new URL up there now… neat right?!?!?

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Warning For You Fans of 80’s Technology

So… I was relayed a story from a friend earlier tonight and it should serve as a warning for any of you out there who may use this product.

So it was late in the night and alcohol had been involved, but the passion would not be stopped by anything as minor as that…. it was hot, it was rough, it was sweaty and bodies were entangled and slapping with the hardcore lust of two individuals engulfed in the passion….

Then, something weird started to happen… the light across the room began to turn itself off and then on again, over and over…. at first it was ignored, but then it was noticed… and then the laughing and degradation of the moment began…. and the light stopped blinking on and off….

This light….

This small insignificant little light in the corner was turning off and on because of the lust between these individuals… and not because of the banging and movement of the bed causing the light plug to jiggle in and out of the wall….

it was caused by the noise… the hot passionate collision of bodies was making a slapping sound… almost like someone was clapping… yes… clapping… clap on, clap off, THE CLAPPER!!!

So yes, all of you out there who use this vital tool of 80’s television ads be warned, if you use the clapper, then you too could be subjected to uncontrollable turning off and on of the lights in your room if you engage in rough, passionate sex!!!


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Spider-Man, Spider-Man, Does Whatever A Spider Can

You are Spider-Man

Green Lantern
The Flash
Iron Man
Wonder Woman
You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.


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Here Is How It All Went Down

I apologize if any exact details are left out but you get the idea….

Friday night, my sister and BF went out for dinner to a Thai place they go to all the time.

They are having their dinner and have been making jokes and comments about the “crazy guy” in the kitchen through the course of the night.

So they are talking about their up coming trip to Jamaica and her BF throws out a question to her.

“What if while we were down there we just ran over to Grand Cayman and got married?”

My sister responds “We can’t do that, you know my family, they would kill me if I ever did something like that”

“Ok, but you did not answer the other part of the question about us getting married”

“Well, we can cross that bridge when we come to it”

“What bridge?”

“You know, that bridge, the one really high up over a deep dark precipice that is shaky and make of planks and rope and sways a lot in the wind. That bridge”

“Oh, ok….. What the hell is he doing in there?” *Looks towards kitchen*

She turns around to look at the kitchen and says “What are you talking about?”

She turns back around to face him and sitting on her plate of noodles is a small little wrapped up box….

and well, that is all of the story that I got…

I think it was a pretty smooth way for things to go down!

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Ok, So the Series of Events…

My sister is getting a whole bunch of kitchen cabinets from my aunt because she is doing a remodel of a house down in Mattapoisett that my cousins bought together.

So I went to my mom’s house to meet up with my sister and my mom to get a truck and go get them and bring them back, in the mean time my sister and her boyfriend met me there so that I could give them back the noise canceling headphones I borrowed to see if I wanted to spend the $50 on a pair of Sony, or spend the $300 on a pair of Bose or Brookstone.

So I get there and everyone is in the kitchen, I take the headphones out of my bag and my sister puts out her hand palm down to get them from me. Since the Brookstone ones were in a case with a caribiner on them and the sony were in a bag, I had attached them together. So in being the person I am, I hung them by the string across her middle finger.

She turns to her BF and says something, “See what I mean?”

My other sister then reaches over, and moves them from the middle finger to the finger next to it, and says “So how did you like those headphones?”

I start off into an explanation about which ones I liked and did not like and I am interrupted slightly by my sister’s BF who says “It is a family trait isn’t it?”

I stop and look at them and say “What do you mean by that? Because I connected and attached together the 2 things I was going to give you?”

At this point they all shake their heads and my other sister then grabs me and my head and pulls me forward and puts my face about 2 inches from my sisters hand and says “How bout them headphones”

To which I then pause, realize that the headphones were not really what they were talking about.

My response now……


Sitting on my sisters left ring finger(the one my other sister moved the headphones to) is a quite large multi-diamond ring glistening in the poor lighting of my mother’s kitchen.

She got engaged the night before, and was attempting to be subtle to make me notice the ring, yeah, it did not work. This seems to be a trend with women lately, and I will cover that in another blog.

So now I get the back story, and realize exactly why my sister’s BF, now fiance, made the comment about it being a family trait. Both my mother and my sister did not realize that she had the ring on either when she walked in and was pointing around and asking ridiculous questions about where to put George’s(her dog) food for when he goes to my mom’s house to be dog sat while they were in Jamaica in a couple weeks.

Yeah, for some reason my family is all oblivious to subtlety like that, we get fixated on a task and block out things that don’t really matter or pertain to the task at hand, this is both a good thing and a bad thing at times I suppose, but at least we get the job done!

I heard the story about how he did it and I will share that in another blog later, it was kind of a nice and cute story.

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Some Things To Share

Alrighty….. first order of business, I have been in Houston the past couple days and it sounds just weird and “wrong” but I have been driving a Vibe around for the past few days. Doesn’t that just sound dirty?

Next up… Road Signs in Houston, TX suck, period, plain and simple. No advance notice that the route you want to get on is there, and the signs that are there are TINY! I had to cut off at least 6 people in my driving around.

Also, I swear they teach people how to intentionally drive in a blind spot in TX, you don’t see them til it is almost too late

Now I am in Detroit, well Michigan, I flew into Detroit. I flew Continental, last time I do that unless I am first class. The seats were completely uncomfortable, I was in an exit row but there was no extra leg room! AND my seat was not able to recline WTF! and the headrests on the seats did not have those little fold out things that hold your head so you can sleep sitting up. To top it off we got a “snack” if it can be called that, it was a turkey sandwich which was about the size of 2 donut holes with 1 slice of turkey in it. AND unlike every other airline, they don’t give you a whole can of soda, you only get a mini 7oz cup of Soda, but with ice, you end up with about 2 or 3 sips of soda,also you have to buy headphones if you want to watch the movie or listen to the piped in music. The highlight of the entire flight was the Halloween sized packet of Skittles that came with the sandwich, how lame is that?

now I am in Michigan… and I heard a rather disturbing radio commercial, it was for a strip joint. $1000 top prize for the winner of the soon to be mom bikini contest, “Jump start that child’s college fund” – “Guys, no cover charge if you bring a package of diapers” What kind of people do this?!?

Ugh… time for bed…..


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The Coolest Company So Far

So I was supposed to be in Cincinnati this week, but I ended up in Beavercreek just outside of Dayton, although I saw no beavers nor any creeks so it was a tad disappointing.

However 2 highlights from this little trip.

1- I got hit on at a bar by a circus clown, she was not all dressed up, but the circus was in town, no, seriously, the Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Baily Circus was in town and performing at Wright State University which was basically across the street from my hotel. It was fun and interesting but it never went past the bar. I may be freaky but I just could not go there.

2- This was the coolest company I have gotten to go visit so far with my job.  They are really small but they make a ton of money because they manufacture Night Vision Goggles. The real ones that the military actually uses. I got a tour and saw how they are manufactured, and it is pretty neat.

Then I got to test out a pair!

It is totally exactly like you see in the movies!! The green hue and everything. The room was totally dark, I mean TOTALLY dark. I could not even see my hand 1 inch in front of my face, but they worked and I could see nearly perfectly once I had them turned on. No colors except shades of green, but I could see everything right down to the contours of my tour guides face.

I SO want a pair!! they run on a single AA battery, now if I can just figure out where to scrounge up an extra $15k to pay for one set of goggles.

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